I think to some degree we all face rejection in life. It in inevitable that in this fallen world that pain, real or perceived, at the hands of others will occur. It happens in the kindergarten classroom and it happens in boardroom. For some, like my son, it comes by way of a birth parent. It is a deep wound that is left when the very person that we need to be able to trust to protect us and care for us fails us. As a mom I feel very helpless sometimes. I want so desperately to help my children heal. I want to throw a band aid on that boo boo and call it done. Unfortunately, my actions are not and will never be enough to heal them and I know only God can do that.
I spent seven years of my childhood in Wyoming. My dad worked for the phone company. I remember his stories of going way out on empty desolate highways to do repair work. One of those nights, when the temperature was way below zero, and he told me of an antelope that he saw tangled in barbed wire fencing that the ranchers put up to contain cattle. The antelope had apparently tried to jump the fence and didn't make it. It became ensnared in the wire and as it struggled it further trapped itself . The wire cut into it's flesh. My dad, feeling compassion for the bleeding, dying animal, tried to free it but to no avail. The animal kicked wildly with its sharp hooves and my dad saw that he'd be severely injured, if not killed, in his attempt to help it. He came home that night with cuts and nicks on his arms from the attempt. He had no choice but to leave it there to perish. It was too much for him.
As I wonder what the future holds for my youngest children I desperately want to free them from their entanglements. The hurts are so deep and the consequences of the fear and pain are strong and wild and uncontainable at times. I want to run and grab the wire cutters and free them. When I do that I become injured. The more injured I get the more I am unable to help. I am not enough. My efforts and even the efforts of others are insufficient and at best temporal.
I have to continually remind myself that my heavenly Father isn't injured, cut or scraped when he helps and that it is His job to do it. He will be the one to free them. He is sufficient. It is his work. I am believing God for that healing and that freedom. Little by little He is in there with his wire cutters making progress. It is a process. Sometimes I become impatient and sometimes I just have to look away for a bit. He calls me to contain the area, set up boundaries and keep the buzzards away. That I can handle. Obedience is all that is needed from me. Still, I depend on every bit of strength He gives me to maintain that obedience, to not interfere or panic. It is a hard thing to watch sometimes. I perceive my weakness and my inadequacy more than ever and I am humbled by His work. It is His work, not mine.
The fruit of rejection is an ugly thing. It kills trust and childlike faith and produces fear and anger. It manifests in a need to control everyone and everything irregardless of the cost all for the illusion of perceived safety. It is painful for the person and painful for those around them. It is too big for me, but not for my God.
Lord, please help me to rest continually in you. Help me God not to look at my circumstances but to exist in the knowledge that you love them even more than I do and that you have a good plan for their lives. Thank you God for the privilege to be part of that plan and help me to be obedient in what you have called me to do. In Jesus Name, Amen
Matthew 11:28:28Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]
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