A couple days ago I came home from work to find my neighbors dog barking and howling in our front yard. My husband came up to the van to meet me and explained that the dog had been there for two hours and had not moved and would not move. She wasn't mean, but she was really scared. We thought maybe she might be hurt. We went over to another neighbor's house thinking it might be her dog as she too had a similar breed. She informed us that she wasn't the owner, but kindly came over to help. We tried for an hour to get the dog to move and get her back to her yard. She wasn't hurt that we could tell, but she was paralyzed with fear and couldn't seem to stop shaking. Our neighbor explained to us that her owner utilized an invisible fence and in escaping she had probably experienced some pain and it traumatized her. We brought her water and food which she gladly accepted and she leaned hard into my husbands leg, staring at him and almost trying to become part of his leg it seemed. It was almost as she was saying to him, "please help me, I am so frightened, save me and protect me." In her canine mind she was afraid to move because moving had caused her so much pain. Her owner finally arrived and carried all 80 lbs of her back to his house.
I could truly identify with the state of mind this animal was in. Sometimes we get so traumatized by our experiences and circumstances that we get stuck. We replay the situation over and over again in our minds and we won't move on because movement caused the pain and might very well again. Pain is inevitable in life whether you move or not. We know this logically. However there is something so deep in our psyche/soul that behaves rather animal-like and gets paralyzed in fear. We move to self preservation mode and wrestling free of it is contrary to all of our instincts.
One part of scripture that comforts me, and quite honestly horrifies me, all at the same time is the accounting of Jesus last hours in Luke 22.
39And He came out and went, as was His habit, to the Mount of Olives, and the disciples also followed Him.
40And when He came to the place, He said to them, Pray that you may not [at all] enter into temptation.
41And He withdrew from them about a stone's throw and knelt down and prayed,
42Saying, Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but [[f]always] Yours be done.
43And there appeared to Him an angel from heaven, strengthening Him in spirit.
44And being in an agony [of mind], He prayed [all the] more earnestly and intently, and His sweat became like great [g]clots of blood dropping down upon the ground.
I am not Jesus and I am not facing the reality He was at that moment. However, there are things that come that simply seem so big and overwhelming that I literally become stuck. I don't sweat blood, but for me the painful reality of the moment washes over me like a great flood and I have moments of not wanting to move. I cry out in my heart "please take this from me now if it is all possible don't make me walk through this." Now, I can stay there or I can move on. Not my will, but Yours be done Lord. Move on. Move on. Lord help me to move on. I simply lack the strength to move on. It is nothing for Him, but it is huge for me.
Jesus understands us. He became like us and experience all the emotions that human beings struggle with. Dread, fear and the temptation of retreat. That gives me comfort and it gives me grace when I am tempted to retreat into a paralyzed state. He moves me, lifts me up and carries me with Him. It is His strength and not mine. All that is required of me is faith, not in my abilities, but in His.
Lord, please help me keep going and not get stuck in the emotion. In my weakness Lord you are glorified. Help me to move on with You and keep my eyes on You always. Work Your strength through me. In Jesus Name, Amen.
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