Different

Matthew 7:13 "Go in through the narrow gate; for the gate that leads to destruction is wide and the road broad, and many travel it " 

Doing the right thing means going against what is popular and accepted. It means swimming upstream against a raging current. Walking contrary to the direction the crowd is going can be  a lonely, difficult and frequently painful pursuit even though it is the right thing to do.

When I was a young I remember really wanting to be accepted by the crowd. I remember wanting to fit in so badly. I moved constantly as a girl. I was always making new friends and then saying "goodbye" to them a short time later. The friends I did make, in some places, I can barely remember now. Their faces are just a blur as if the memory is likened to a being in a speeding car and trying to focus on small objects on the side of the road. People were not in my life long enough to hold a secure spot in my memory. This is sad to me. I wish I could remember them all, but I can't. I lived in some places for as little as 4 months and met countless people. I made little to no connections as a child to many people outside of my immediate family for any length of time.

It takes a while for the "new kid" to fit in and sometimes, in some cities we moved to,  I just didn't. My childhood is filled with memories of being rejected because I came from somewhere different, had the wrong clothes, the wrong shoes, the wrong hair, my skin was the wrong color, I didn't know the right people or whatever. Kids can be very cruel, especially to "outsiders." The quickly accumulating wounds deep inside my soul made me a target for others seeking to find acceptance themselves by tearing the "weak" down. I was the new kid, I was a target, I was weak. For a while, I was torn down.

I remember living in a small Wyoming town one summer. We lived seven miles outside the town in a small subdivision. I was still "the new girl" and the only friend I had in world was my dog. With my dog beside me, I lay on the grass in my backyard staring up at the clouds and feeling very small and very alone. That is when I had a strange sense that someone was there. I couldn't "see" anyone, but I felt it.  I knew at that moment I wasn't alone. I had a very strong awareness that it was Him. I knew in my heart that there was a God and that where ever I went He would be with me. I knew nothing about the Bible. I knew nothing of Christianity or religion. I knew very little about church or religious organizations. All I knew was that one moment I had felt desperately alone and not alone the next. That was a profound, life altering experience and I will never forget it.

Despite that experience, naturally, I still deeply desired companionship with those that "had skin on". The volume of insecurity inside me drowned out the small, still voice assuring me of my security in Him. Unfortunately, I would seek relationships throughout my high school and young adult years with the wrong individuals and suffer greatly for the choices I would make to "fit in". I would compromise those things I knew deep inside to be wrong, to be accepted. I had fun at the time, but the path I ended up on was very self destructive and proved to be very costly to me. The self inflicted wounds to my soul healed eventually, but scars remained as a profound reminder of the cost of trying to "fit in" and be a part of the crowd or should I say "system." I had chosen the wide way rather than the narrow way I thought to avoid further pain and rejection, but my harvest was self destruction and nearly, in my case, complete destruction in both the physical and spiritual realm.

I was saved from destruction when I came to the end of myself, my way, my imagined self sufficiency, my plan, my agenda and any fantasy of control I might have entertained. It was at that time that I surrendered my life to Him, to Who I know today as Yahshua Ha'Mashiach, whom you might call Jesus Christ.

In many ways those experiences were a "teacher" to me. At the time I thought to be a very cruel teacher, but none the less, the lessons learned are very good ones. Now, to where He has brought me in my life today, I don't see that teacher as cruel at all. I see those lessons as merciful, kind and good. I see them as preparation for what is happening now, in the everyday struggle to live a "set apart" or "holy" life and what will happen in the future as the way grows more and more narrow.

John 16:1 "I have told you these things so that you won't be caught by surprise. 2 They will ban you from the synagogue; in fact, the time will come when anyone who kills you will think he is serving God! 3 They will do these things because they have understood neither the Father nor me.

To live a "set apart" or "holy" life means being really different. It means not doing things the way everyone else is doing them. Rejecting the "ways" of the world while not rejecting people is a bit of a tightrope. It means making difficult choices and acting on those choices. It involves being respectful and kind when you are insulted and criticized for those choices. It means being "a joke" in the eyes of the world and managing to smile and still extend a kind hand in the face of mocking. In being different, and in living our lives in a "called out" way the number of those who choose to be around around us will naturally grow smaller and smaller. This walk isn't for everyone and some see obedience to His Word as strange or bizarre so they distance themselves. Some see obedience to His Word as too much of a sacrifice for them. They are not ready or willing to stop doing things their way and do things His way and you, in your pursuit to be "set apart", become an uncomfortable conviction of their spiritual state. Some folks just really love the "world", it's system and are oblivious to the obvious emptiness of it.

John 16:33 "I have said these things to you so that, united with me, you may have shalom. In the world, you have tsuris. But be brave! I have conquered the world!"

Tsuris is trouble, woe and grief. I feel a strange comfort, but at the same time an uncomfortable soberness that Yahshua faced rejection, mocking and loneliness.....just like we do.....but worse. I don't think pain is unavoidable walking even close to the path He walked and I think anyone that tells you different is preaching some Else's story, not found in His Word at all. At the core of that statement is a harsh reality of what fallacy is being taught in this day in age. This walk "costs". Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If it doesn't then search that out carefully and find out why.

We must be brave as He was brave. We must take comfort that although the world will reject us, He has accepted us! The eternal glory outweighs the temporal, even if moments come that we don't "feel" that way. The Truth is simply the Truth. In this season, many of us that have chosen to pursue deeper understanding of scripture have chosen to make decisions that are very different from those that are "culturally" acceptable because of our deep love for Him and desire to be obedient. This will isolate us from the world and make us "different". Take comfort that you are not the only one experiencing this. Though we are scattered right now the time will come that he will gather us all to Himself. The memory of any pain likened to the blurred objects on the side of the road seen from a speeding car. Blessings to you in Messiah Yahshua.

Revelation 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will no longer be any death; and there will no longer be any mourning, crying or pain; because the old order has passed away."