Is our perception based on what we know or what we see? Are we motivated by what we know in our hearts or what we see in the world?

What might be true in the natural realm may be very untrue in spiritual realm. Unless the Holy Spirit reveals truth to our hearts we judge solely on our own experiences. Our only means of interpretation is past experience. How accurate is that? What if our experience is flawed or colored by negative emotion or pain? How can we know what is truth?

John 16:13:13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future.

In these days much seems and even looks like truth. The challenge for believers in Christ is to seek understanding that is not worldly but Godly through the Holy Spirit.

Lord God please help us to have discernment about all things that we may not become ensnared in the enemy's web of deception. Help us to operate in understanding and wisdom. We know that You are the Way, the Truth and the Life. Help us to abide in you always and see through Your eyes and not our own. Forgive us Father for times we have seen things in light of the world and our own flesh. In Jesus name, Amen

He Is Glorified In My Weakness

A couple days ago I came home from work to find my neighbors dog barking and howling in our front yard. My husband came up to the van to meet me and explained that the dog had been there for two hours and had not moved and would not move. She wasn't mean, but she was really scared. We thought maybe she might be hurt. We went over to another neighbor's house thinking it might be her dog as she too had a similar breed. She informed us that she wasn't the owner, but kindly came over to help. We tried for an hour to get the dog to move and get her back to her yard. She wasn't hurt that we could tell, but she was paralyzed with fear and couldn't seem to stop shaking. Our neighbor explained to us that her owner utilized an invisible fence and in escaping she had probably experienced some pain and it traumatized her. We brought her water and food which she gladly accepted and she leaned hard into my husbands leg, staring at him and almost trying to become part of his leg it seemed. It was almost as she was saying to him, "please help me, I am so frightened, save me and protect me." In her canine mind she was afraid to move because moving had caused her so much pain. Her owner finally arrived and carried all 80 lbs of her back to his house.

I could truly identify with the state of mind this animal was in. Sometimes we get so traumatized by our experiences and circumstances that we get stuck. We replay the situation over and over again in our minds and we won't move on because movement caused the pain and might very well again. Pain is inevitable in life whether you move or not. We know this logically. However there is something so deep in our psyche/soul that behaves rather animal-like and gets paralyzed in fear. We move to self preservation mode and wrestling free of it is contrary to all of our instincts.

One part of scripture that comforts me, and quite honestly horrifies me, all at the same time is the accounting of Jesus last hours in Luke 22.

39And He came out and went, as was His habit, to the Mount of Olives, and the disciples also followed Him.
40And when He came to the place, He said to them, Pray that you may not [at all] enter into temptation.
41And He withdrew from them about a stone's throw and knelt down and prayed,
42Saying, Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but [[f]always] Yours be done.
43And there appeared to Him an angel from heaven, strengthening Him in spirit.
44And being in an agony [of mind], He prayed [all the] more earnestly and intently, and His sweat became like great [g]clots of blood dropping down upon the ground.

I am not Jesus and I am not facing the reality He was at that moment. However, there are things that come that simply seem so big and overwhelming that I literally become stuck. I don't sweat blood, but for me the painful reality of the moment washes over me like a great flood and I have moments of not wanting to move. I cry out in my heart "please take this from me now if it is all possible don't make me walk through this." Now, I can stay there or I can move on. Not my will, but Yours be done Lord. Move on. Move on. Lord help me to move on. I simply lack the strength to move on. It is nothing for Him, but it is huge for me.

Jesus understands us. He became like us and experience all the emotions that human beings struggle with. Dread, fear and the temptation of retreat. That gives me comfort and it gives me grace when I am tempted to retreat into a paralyzed state. He moves me, lifts me up and carries me with Him. It is His strength and not mine. All that is required of me is faith, not in my abilities, but in His.

Lord, please help me keep going and not get stuck in the emotion. In my weakness Lord you are glorified. Help me to move on with You and keep my eyes on You always. Work Your strength through me. In Jesus Name, Amen.

The Rotten Fruit of Rejection

I think to some degree we all face rejection in life. It in inevitable that in this fallen world that pain, real or perceived, at the hands of others will occur. It happens in the kindergarten classroom and it happens in boardroom. For some, like my son, it comes by way of a birth parent. It is a deep wound that is left when the very person that we need to be able to trust to protect us and care for us fails us. As a mom I feel very helpless sometimes. I want so desperately to help my children heal. I want to throw a band aid on that boo boo and call it done. Unfortunately, my actions are not and will never be enough to heal them and I know only God can do that.

I spent seven years of my childhood in Wyoming. My dad worked for the phone company. I remember his stories of going way out on empty desolate highways to do repair work. One of those nights, when the temperature was way below zero, and he told me of an antelope that he saw tangled in barbed wire fencing that the ranchers put up to contain cattle. The antelope had apparently tried to jump the fence and didn't make it. It became ensnared in the wire and as it struggled it further trapped itself . The wire cut into it's flesh. My dad, feeling compassion for the bleeding, dying animal, tried to free it but to no avail. The animal kicked wildly with its sharp hooves and my dad saw that he'd be severely injured, if not killed, in his attempt to help it. He came home that night with cuts and nicks on his arms from the attempt. He had no choice but to leave it there to perish. It was too much for him.

As I wonder what the future holds for my youngest children I desperately want to free them from their entanglements. The hurts are so deep and the consequences of the fear and pain are strong and wild and uncontainable at times. I want to run and grab the wire cutters and free them. When I do that I become injured. The more injured I get the more I am unable to help. I am not enough. My efforts and even the efforts of others are insufficient and at best temporal.

I have to continually remind myself that my heavenly Father isn't injured, cut or scraped when he helps and that it is His job to do it. He will be the one to free them. He is sufficient. It is his work. I am believing God for that healing and that freedom. Little by little He is in there with his wire cutters making progress. It is a process. Sometimes I become impatient and sometimes I just have to look away for a bit. He calls me to contain the area, set up boundaries and keep the buzzards away. That I can handle. Obedience is all that is needed from me. Still, I depend on every bit of strength He gives me to maintain that obedience, to not interfere or panic. It is a hard thing to watch sometimes. I perceive my weakness and my inadequacy more than ever and I am humbled by His work. It is His work, not mine.

The fruit of rejection is an ugly thing. It kills trust and childlike faith and produces fear and anger. It manifests in a need to control everyone and everything irregardless of the cost all for the illusion of perceived safety. It is painful for the person and painful for those around them. It is too big for me, but not for my God.

Lord, please help me to rest continually in you. Help me God not to look at my circumstances but to exist in the knowledge that you love them even more than I do and that you have a good plan for their lives. Thank you God for the privilege to be part of that plan and help me to be obedient in what you have called me to do. In Jesus Name, Amen

Matthew 11:28:28Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]

Taking Down A High Place

I am just shy of my 40th birthday. I feel like I am just figuring it out. I have been a bit of a "Pollyanna" most of my life, but in the last few years that has really been changing. The last few years have pretty much broken me in so many ways. I know now, deep in my heart, that I can do nothing on my own. All of it is only possible with Him. The days I forget to lean on Him are the days I fall the hardest. There have been a few of those days lately. The good news is that I took approval down, once again, as an object of worship. I thought that it was gone, that deep need to be understood, loved and accepted by others. Truth, there are some people in this world that will never, ever approve of you, understand you or respect you and being a dancing monkey and performing for them your whole life does not honor God. God took me back to square one again. I have chosen to forgive, stop seeking that approval, deal with the aftermath and move on with God, but quite honestly it has been a heck of struggle. I have always thought if I could "do" enough somehow that would be acceptable to others, but that is a big lie. The truth is I know who He says I am and that is enough.

I took on more than two foster children 3 years ago (now adopted), I took on a ministry. My family took on a ministry. It has stripped me of me. It has solidified in my heart the deep need for God to direct all my steps. It has made me seek the Holy Spirit and His leading when I can't see between the lines and when I am tempted to do it as the world does, the easy way. There are no easy ways. There are no easy answers. I can't and won't go into all the "not so nice" details of the things I have seen and experienced as a result of my son's reactive attachment disorder. I will protect his and our privacy. I think that is really important to him. He didn't ask for his circumstances, but has to learn to function in society without needing to control it. I will simply testify to what God has done in me as a result. I have developed a new level of self respect and self love I have never had. Not because of anything I have done, but because of what He has done. Not because of anything I am, but because of who He is.

All that matters, all that will ever matter is what He thinks of me. Jesus said He would bring division, and He does in many, many ways. That is a painful thing, but not necessarily a bad thing.



2 Corinthians 12:9:9
Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.