I'm a Liar....Ok, Was

Disclaimer: This could be offensive, it's not meant to be, it's truthful. Read on if you are game.

I have made a discovery. I am a liar. No, I don't write bad checks, steal or cheat on my taxes. I feel guilty for not putting my shopping cart away in the supermarket parking lot. I am not an obvious liar. Well, at least it wasn't very obvious to me.

Isn't it funny how we don't realize things about ourselves until we are much older and have fought a few bloody rounds in the boxing match of life? Funny, well maybe not, comical, yes. I think some things only come with age, unless of course you are extraordinary. I am not extraordinary, I just pretend to be. I could play extraordinary on TV, but I am not extraordinary. I am just me. It sometimes takes some serious hard knocks for me to learn.

Somehow, long ago, I got it in my head that acting OK meant you are OK. I also thought acting nice made you nice. Being quiet and not telling people how you really feel made you polite and a "lady". Taking others verbal jabs and digs made you brave, a martyr and honorable. The list goes on and on and on......You could probably add a few of your own erroneous "self narratives".

I think society is rather supportive of this self narrative. Don't you? Here is a quiz: What are you "supposed" to say when you are at church or your fellowship and someone asks, "how are you?". You are "supposed" to say, "I am fine, thank you. How are you?" and then expect the very same response, whether you are OK or not. I used to be quite good at this. I am not so good at this anymore. That is making me so uncomfortable, you have no idea, but perhaps it's meant to.

It's so automatic. I mean it turns on before you know it does. After a while you begin to realize you are rather resentful towards certain people. (Not you, come on, you're great! ;) )You have a hard time being in the same room with them. The problem at this point is that you are so detached from yourself you don't even know why you are so uncomfortable around them. You have ceased to exist. You are just a piece of dutiful furniture at that point jumping when told to jump and ignoring what is wrong deep inside. You are angry and you don't even know it. You are walking in unforgiveness and you are not even aware of it. The resentment has been building and now you are just numb inside.

The problem with these self narratives is that they are big, fat, ugly LIES! The worst part about it, beside lying to Abba, is that you have betrayed yourself. I have BETRAYED myself!!  Not to mention you have betrayed the person or persons you are lying to. Did I say "lying", yes that is what I said. If you tell them the truth they may run the other way. Yes, they may leave you. But, I have started to ask myself, are these the relationships I really want to have? Is there any possibility of having an close friendship with a person like that? They are comfortable with the "pretend you", the one that does what they expect, because that is who they think you are. But you are not that person are you? That person will never have the opportunity to grow past their issues and neither will you if you are not truthful. You will never have a close relationship and it's not their fault, it's yours. They may grow, they may not, but you could provide them that opportunity if you'd just tell the truth. It is worth the risk? Yes, I believe it is.

The Word says that "you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." (John 8:32) What does that mean? I think it is fairly multi-dimensional like most everything in YHWH's Word. It has many applications. His Truth is endless and I could really go down a rabbit trail right now, but I won't. For this purpose, the writing of this blog, I think it means to be genuine and authentic. Face who you are. Know the truth about who you are and ask Father to change that about you if it doesn't line up with His Word and cooperate with Him when He brings about circumstances in your life to accomplish that. Ouch....I know.

I have had some serious circumstances brought into my life. Physical issues, depression, along with a special needs adopted child that hurts others, almost daily, for 6 years, to deal with his pain are just a few of them. Everyone has "stuff" and that's just mine...... currently. These challenges are provoking me to become increasingly more honest with myself and with others. This is painful. I won't lie (LOL). Some people have and will walk away as a result. It can be a bit much to deal with some days, I get that. I guess, at this point, I'd rather have that then live another day not being real with the people in my life. I guess I'd prefer to have warriors come alongside me then pretend for people's benefit that I am OK everyday just to keep them as friends.

So maybe you are not like me. You are honest. Good for you! There is no guessing what you think or feel. You pretty much tell it like it is.........but maybe you don't see the skid marks you left on the person you just ran over? It happens. But, I think there is a remedy. Just humor me here. I think the Word provides it.

Ephesians 4:15
^"Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ."

So, maturity is being truthful, but doing it in a loving way. If we, as a body of believers, desire to be mature and function in what He has called us to do, then we need to get real with one another, but do it lovingly. How amazing would that be and how much more could we be one and a powerful force to be reckoned with then? I believe it's possible and it will happen, one day. Watch out when it does!

I am learning, every day. If this is what my 40s have shown me I am going to be seriously blown away by the 50s! I am so grateful that He hasn't given up me. I am so grateful for Him.

Many blessings and love to you in Messiah.