I was thinking about this today after having had a difficult week with my son "Football". He was physically violent a few times at school last week to some children that didn't take too kindly to being controlled and manipulated by him. Nothing serious and it was only twice which actually is a pretty big improvement from where we have been. I was remembering a scene from the movie Steel Magnolias when all the women where in Truvy's beauty shop were gossiping and joking around and then all of a sudden Shelby has a pretty severe low blood sugar episode. Shelby's mom, M'Lynn, handles the episode so well. It is so tragically commonplace for Shelby to have these episodes that M'Lynn instinctively gives her juice, all while taking Shelby's verbal swings at her in stride. Her blood sugar returns to normal. Everyone in the shop seems to "get" what is going on and are loving and supportive during and after the episode.
I wish sometimes I could be more like M'Lynn when our episodes occur and I wish sometimes that everyone "got" it. Sometimes I feel so alone with all of this. With a mental disorder like Reactive Attachment Disorder many people just think you have a kid you can't control. Some people can't understand why you have to be so structured and firm or why you have to stop and explain cause and effect...over and over and over again. They don't get why you won't let him more than a few feet away from you or why you have a difficult time relaxing. There are days I do well. I am a "Steel Magnolia" and am loving, understanding and doing the best I can do for my child never personalizing his behavior or the behavior or judgement of others. Then there are days I am a Weeping Willow. I get tired. I droop and want to give up. I look around and all my leaves are falling off! I take personally his behavior and the opinion of others real or imagined. I feel alone, isolated and misunderstood.
Well, Steel Magnolias is just a movie. My life is pretty real and so is yours. Sometimes I just have to be weak, so He can show himself strong in my life. I can't do it alone. I need Him and it is in those times that I am a "weeping willow" that I realize that more than ever. He lets me hit that brick wall as a reminder of my weakness and insufficiency. Maybe you can relate, even if your circumstances or struggles are different than mine. We all have a point where we come to the end of what we can "will" ourselves out of emotionally....and I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing when we stop trying to work it out for ourselves and lean on Him. It is a good thing to remove you and your abilities as an object of faith. He is where my strength comes from. He is the all powerful and all sufficient God. I believe when we can grasp that that He can work through us and accomplish more than we ever hoped or imagined. I haven't arrived there, but I am sure working.....on not working at it.
Hebrews 11:33-34 says:
By faith these people overthrew kingdoms, ruled with justice, and received what God had promised them. They shut the mouths of lions, quenched the flames of fire, and escaped death by the edge of the sword. Their weakness was turned to strength. They became strong in battle and put whole armies to flight.
Father I ask you to help us all to rest in our own efforts and to cast our cares on you. Help us to rely on Your strength and not our own. Refresh us and renew us. In Jesus Name, Amen.
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