Create in Me a Clean Heart

Just some simple thoughts................

The month of Elul, that we are currently in, is a time of repentance in preparation for the High Holidays (Yom Teruah, Yom Kippur or Day of Atonement and Sukkot or The Feast of Tabernacles, see Leviticus 23 to read more). Put very simply it's a perfect opportunity to examine our hearts and clean up, so to speak, before coming into the presence of a Holy Elohim. Really, thinking this over, this should be an everyday pursuit no matter the time of year. How different would our relationships be, all of them, if this was something we did continually?

Psalm 51

King James Version (KJV)

51 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.

² Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
³ For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
⁴ Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
⁵ Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
⁶ Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
⁷ Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
⁸ Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
⁹ Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
¹⁰ Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
¹¹ Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
¹² Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
¹³ Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
¹⁴ Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
¹⁵ O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
¹⁶ For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
¹⁷ The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
¹⁸ Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.
¹⁹ Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

Our relationship with Father and our relationships with others can sometimes get pretty convoluted. Very much like a pipe in my kitchen sink. You might find this an odd comparison but read on. We had a little bit of a back up in our kitchen sink last year. It was pretty ugly. It is amazing how junk can get stuck in there and you don't even know it until it's too late and the sink is barely draining. My husband is a pretty handy guy so he got right in there and started cleaning it all out. I felt sorry for him when I saw what was coming out! Yuck! It looked and smelled awful but he was resolute and calm and got the job done. When it was all over I so was grateful. The drain worked like it was brand new and the smell and mess were gone.

Our hearts, I believe, can work very similarly to that pipe. In our physical hearts, when we neglect our health or as we age, we can develop plaque in our arteries. If that plaque grows very thick a serious back up can occur and then the blood flow to the rest of the heart can become sluggish and dangerously slow which can rob us of our energy, vitality and good health. Sometimes this built up plaque can cause a  complete closure of an artery and then parts of the heart will begin to die. This condition can result in death if it is allowed to continue. Likewise, our spiritual hearts can begin to harden over time when we have neglected to examine them, confess, repent and ask Father to make us clean from our sin. We have to seek Him, speak to Him, spend time with Him and ask Him to reveal the hidden things to us. Sometimes there are old hurts, resentments and unforgiveness in there that we may not even be aware of. Maybe we have learned to justify a thing or just put a different label on it rather than call it what it is. If we truly desire to be spiritually well once more and most importantly be right with Him we must surrender these things and allow Him to do what He must to make us clean once more. Our relationships with others will suffer if we are not in good relationship with the Father and our relationship with the Father will suffer if we are not in good relationship with others. It's just the way it works.

Romans 12:18
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live in peace with all people.



Communication is crucial. Yeshua (Jesus) and the Father are one. "Echad" in Hebrew. Yeshua was always, and I mean always, talking to the Father and still is. His prayer was that we would be One as He and the Father were One. (John 17:22) AND He said that the world would believe that the Father sent Him IF we would be one in THEM (Yeshua and the Father). Sadly, I often see groups of individuals so bent on being right that they throw their relationships right out the window. The baby goes out with the bathwater so to speak. That which should be most precious to us is discarded in the pursuit of pride. How quick we are to do that! How deceitful our hearts can be! They betray our best interests pretty quickly if we are not sober to our own tendencies. If we don't communicate with the Father we won't know that there are issues adversely impacting our hearts until it becomes an emergency, spiritually speaking, and in that condition we can not be one with Him or anyone else for that matter. Our perceptions will be colored by our spiritual pain and sickness. We will not be able to hear Him properly with all that gunk clogging up the line and when we do hear Him our flawed perceptions will taint what we think we might have heard.  If we don't communicate with one another and work to resolve the gunk that has collected and built up between us imaginations can come into play and resentments can build, just like the plaque can build up in our physical hearts. This state of being will rob us of our life and vitality and make us spiritually ill. We may then see any attempted communication on the part of the Father or others that love and care for us as confrontational because now the hardness that has developed and collected in our hearts must be worked out.That process can be very painful. It's a terrible condition to be in. It happens and when it does we need to address immediately it to prevent it from becoming worse. Or even worse than worse if you get my drift.

This happens to be the month of Elul, which is, I believe a model for how we should always conduct ourselves. Let us humbly seek to allow the Father to search us, purge that which is evil and might have invaded our hearts and cleanse us from all unrighteousness so that we might be found clean and rejoice when He comes to Tabernacle among us!

Blessings to you in Messiah Yeshua,

More than a Conqueror





 

I Will Be Light

I'm a Liar....Ok, Was

Disclaimer: This could be offensive, it's not meant to be, it's truthful. Read on if you are game.

I have made a discovery. I am a liar. No, I don't write bad checks, steal or cheat on my taxes. I feel guilty for not putting my shopping cart away in the supermarket parking lot. I am not an obvious liar. Well, at least it wasn't very obvious to me.

Isn't it funny how we don't realize things about ourselves until we are much older and have fought a few bloody rounds in the boxing match of life? Funny, well maybe not, comical, yes. I think some things only come with age, unless of course you are extraordinary. I am not extraordinary, I just pretend to be. I could play extraordinary on TV, but I am not extraordinary. I am just me. It sometimes takes some serious hard knocks for me to learn.

Somehow, long ago, I got it in my head that acting OK meant you are OK. I also thought acting nice made you nice. Being quiet and not telling people how you really feel made you polite and a "lady". Taking others verbal jabs and digs made you brave, a martyr and honorable. The list goes on and on and on......You could probably add a few of your own erroneous "self narratives".

I think society is rather supportive of this self narrative. Don't you? Here is a quiz: What are you "supposed" to say when you are at church or your fellowship and someone asks, "how are you?". You are "supposed" to say, "I am fine, thank you. How are you?" and then expect the very same response, whether you are OK or not. I used to be quite good at this. I am not so good at this anymore. That is making me so uncomfortable, you have no idea, but perhaps it's meant to.

It's so automatic. I mean it turns on before you know it does. After a while you begin to realize you are rather resentful towards certain people. (Not you, come on, you're great! ;) )You have a hard time being in the same room with them. The problem at this point is that you are so detached from yourself you don't even know why you are so uncomfortable around them. You have ceased to exist. You are just a piece of dutiful furniture at that point jumping when told to jump and ignoring what is wrong deep inside. You are angry and you don't even know it. You are walking in unforgiveness and you are not even aware of it. The resentment has been building and now you are just numb inside.

The problem with these self narratives is that they are big, fat, ugly LIES! The worst part about it, beside lying to Abba, is that you have betrayed yourself. I have BETRAYED myself!!  Not to mention you have betrayed the person or persons you are lying to. Did I say "lying", yes that is what I said. If you tell them the truth they may run the other way. Yes, they may leave you. But, I have started to ask myself, are these the relationships I really want to have? Is there any possibility of having an close friendship with a person like that? They are comfortable with the "pretend you", the one that does what they expect, because that is who they think you are. But you are not that person are you? That person will never have the opportunity to grow past their issues and neither will you if you are not truthful. You will never have a close relationship and it's not their fault, it's yours. They may grow, they may not, but you could provide them that opportunity if you'd just tell the truth. It is worth the risk? Yes, I believe it is.

The Word says that "you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." (John 8:32) What does that mean? I think it is fairly multi-dimensional like most everything in YHWH's Word. It has many applications. His Truth is endless and I could really go down a rabbit trail right now, but I won't. For this purpose, the writing of this blog, I think it means to be genuine and authentic. Face who you are. Know the truth about who you are and ask Father to change that about you if it doesn't line up with His Word and cooperate with Him when He brings about circumstances in your life to accomplish that. Ouch....I know.

I have had some serious circumstances brought into my life. Physical issues, depression, along with a special needs adopted child that hurts others, almost daily, for 6 years, to deal with his pain are just a few of them. Everyone has "stuff" and that's just mine...... currently. These challenges are provoking me to become increasingly more honest with myself and with others. This is painful. I won't lie (LOL). Some people have and will walk away as a result. It can be a bit much to deal with some days, I get that. I guess, at this point, I'd rather have that then live another day not being real with the people in my life. I guess I'd prefer to have warriors come alongside me then pretend for people's benefit that I am OK everyday just to keep them as friends.

So maybe you are not like me. You are honest. Good for you! There is no guessing what you think or feel. You pretty much tell it like it is.........but maybe you don't see the skid marks you left on the person you just ran over? It happens. But, I think there is a remedy. Just humor me here. I think the Word provides it.

Ephesians 4:15
^"Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ."

So, maturity is being truthful, but doing it in a loving way. If we, as a body of believers, desire to be mature and function in what He has called us to do, then we need to get real with one another, but do it lovingly. How amazing would that be and how much more could we be one and a powerful force to be reckoned with then? I believe it's possible and it will happen, one day. Watch out when it does!

I am learning, every day. If this is what my 40s have shown me I am going to be seriously blown away by the 50s! I am so grateful that He hasn't given up me. I am so grateful for Him.

Many blessings and love to you in Messiah.

In A Box

 

Looking back on history it seems to me that human beings have patterns. We tend to repeat the same mistakes, over and over. One of those mistakes is adding or taking away from the Word of Elohim. In Deuteronomy 4:2 Father warns His people then and NOW (us, we are His people too):

"You shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall you take away from it, that you may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you."

Wow, it's as if He already knows what we are going to do before we do it! We add to what He has said and we take away from what He has said all to accomplish our fleshly agenda. Many times we are not even aware we are doing it. I have done it in the past. We seem to all be made out of similar stuff. Now don't get me wrong. Sometimes it isn't as obvious as writing a commentary and giving that precedence over the Word of Elohim which is adding to His Word. Sometimes it isn't as obvious as teaching that parts of His Word are no longer valid or we don't have to do that anymore which is taking away from His Word. That is very obviously adding or taking away from His Word. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to observe that we have done that not only in Judaism but also in mainstream Christianity across the board. No one can really toss stones because all throughout human history the vast majority have broken that commandment in some way, shape or form. Sometimes, well really most of the time, we have had very good intentions. We can rationalize most anything. We are very skilled at it. We can do this because our hearts are not to be trusted. They lead us astray, easily.  In Jeremiah 17:9 the Word says:

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

So that "follow your heart" rational isn't a good suggestion after all. Hmmmm....so much to learn. Sigh.

One way we add to His Word or take away from it is in defining Him. Who are we to think we can define the Creator of the Universe? It is appalling when you really think about it. He created us yet we have the nerve to define Him, put Him in a box of our own making and put our words in His mouth and our thoughts in His mind. An example, "my God would never do that" , "allow that" etc. etc. This one is a classic, "well the Devil did that, surely my God wouldn't allow such a thing." Really? How do you know? How does one determine that? Is there anything that doesn't cross His throne? He might not have done it, who knows, but He allowed it and if you are His he will use that situation for His purpose. Hard thing to hear but it's true. I have been through things in my life that were awful but there was a purpose in it even if I didn't understand it at the time or maybe still don't. That doesn't change who He is. His Word, the Word He gave us, clearly defines Him. His Word is sufficient. He is more than sufficient. Man is not qualified to define him, period. The flesh we still wear disqualifies us. Defining Him brings Him down to our level and removes the fear or reverence of Him that we are supposed to have. (Read Psalm 147:11, Deuteronomy 14:23, Psalm 33:18 just to list a few)

When I was in the "church system" I used to think putting God in a box meant limiting my mind or heart to His capabilities or in other words demonstrating a lack of faith. I do believe that is still true. The importance of having faith in Him cannot be and should not be understated. But, there so much more!! The accounting of Yahshua in regards to his interactions with his family and their "putting Him in a box" is found in all four gospel accounts but here it is in Mark 6:4

"But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honor, but in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house."

You see all those folks knew Him from way back. They couldn't accept who He was then, at that moment, because they had seen Him as a child and in their minds they had already defined Him. Case closed. Yahshua as "A Savior" didn't fit in the box they had Him in already. Yahshua, "their Redeemer" did not fit in the box either. Sadly all the Words already prophesied about him all through out the Torah, Elohim's Word, also didn't fit in the box they had already put Him in. They missed Him. How very tragic for them. How they limited themselves through such actions! They never limited Him but their opportunity to truly know Him. That thought brings tears to my eyes and strikes fear in my heart. Honestly.

What is so vitally important is that we recognise Him for who He says He is, not what we want, hope or imagine Him to be or what other people tell us about Him. There are plenty of His promises and information about His attributes found in scripture. He reveals Himself to us in His Word as well in our prayer life. If we participate in "inventing" Him, adding to His Word or taking away from it, we will never really know Him intimately. I don't know about you, but deep in my heart that is what I long for more than anything....to know Him more intimately....who He is....not who I imagine Him to be or my flesh demands that He be. Truly who He is, is so much more than my human intellect can contain anyway.  If we "invent" him, putting Him in a box, we will miss Him. Just like some of those that were closest to Him. 

I leave you with this.

Psalm 100
Raise a shout for יהוה, All the earth!  Serve יהוה with gladness; Come before His presence with singing.  Know that יהוה, He is Elohim; He has made us, and we are His – His people and the sheep of His pasture.  Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, And into His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him; bless His Name. For יהוה is good; His kindness is everlasting, And His truth, to all generations.

He made us.....we do not make Him.

Dear Mr. King.......

2 Cor. 5:16-19 16 Therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him thus no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 18 Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

Dear Mr. King,

It was April 29th, 1992 and I sat on my couch holding my 1 week old son witnessing the world seemingly come to an end. At 22 years old, that is what it looked like to me. LIVE, on the news, filmed from a news helicopter, I saw men, pull a man, Reginald Oliver Denny, out of his truck and purpose to beat him to death, gleefully dancing about and tossing bricks at his head until all you could see was a crumpled heap of what barely resembled a human being face down on the asphalt in the middle of the street. Other footage caught people walking into stores looting everything from televisions to baby diapers to gallons of milk to furniture. That night, as I lay in bed, I could hear gunshots, yelling and fighting in the distance. We didn't live in the best of areas at the time, so whether it was related to the Riots, I don't know. I wasn't going to go outside and find out. My husband, his mind heavy with the financial responsibility of a supporting wife and newborn, had ventured to work amidst the chaos. From his employer's building that night he called me to let me know he was OK, but that he was watching multiple buildings burn from where he was standing. I hoped he'd make it home and that nothing would happen to him. That night, the possibility of something happening to him was a very real and sobering concern for me. I gazed upon the moon lit face of my newborn son, as he peacefully slept next to me, unaware of the kind of world he had just come into. I wondered about his future in this twisted world. 

Mr. King, I know you know this but I will go over it once again for those that don't know or might have forgotten.....

All this was happening because of an injustice. A man by the name of Rodney King was beaten severely by Los Angeles County police officers. 4 of the policemen charged in the beating were acquitted. This was the response. The city was paying for what had happened. 53 people died. 2,000 people were injured. Estimates of the material losses varied between about $800 million and $1 billion. Approximately 3,600 fires were set, destroying 1,100 buildings, with fire calls coming once every minute at some points. An entire city of people were held hostage for a week by the violence and much longer from the fear of more violence.

A couple of weeks later, when it was all over, in true "Los Angelino" style, we all went back to our lives and tried not to look back. I don't even remember discussing it much with family or friends. It's like something embarrassing we didn't want to discuss. Uncle Fred got drunk and busted up the place so lets not discuss it. I guess I am different. I do want to discuss it. That event really changed me. I think of it often. It lingers in my mind. It impacted me greatly because of my son having just come into the world. I look back on that event and I suppose it was the first time I realized how really awful human beings can be to one another and how really "justified" we can feel inflicting pain on one another in response to an injustice or even a perceived one. Mr. Denny just happened to turn onto the wrong street. He was just a hard working truck driver trying to make a living. I had been through some "bad stuff" before, but I guess I was a little late to the party coming out of my naivete. Before that event I really believed most people, at heart, were good. Never have I thought Mr. King deserved to be beaten like he was, but never did I think what happened as a result ever made anything better for him or anyone else. He is known for saying on the third day of the L.A. Riots, "People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along?" That would be nice Mr. King.

People have tried to cite all sorts of reasons for the Riots, besides the beating, such as the high unemployment rate at that time, the heat wave we were having that spring or the poverty the city was experiencing. I think it happened because of human nature, because all man kind is fallen and operates in a fallen nature. I guess, from my point of view, almost 20 years later now, I understand that at our core we are all capable of great evil. I don't think most people would agree with me. That might be because most people have really never suffered. I am sorry, it's just true. Most Americans don't have a concept of suffering. I don't think you really see "who" people really are or what they are made of until they are "pressed". Most people in America are "nice" because they have it pretty good and always have. What I mean by that is this; you can be wonderful, generous and kind until life gets really, really difficult and then what is revealed at that time, well, that's YOU, who you really are. What is revealed is sometimes really admirable, but most of the time, it is not. It's downright disturbing.

Mr. King....

I don't live in California anymore. I left long ago to raise my children somewhere else. Partly because of the economic state of things there and partly because we wanted a slower, more traditional upbringing for our kids and to live somewhere they would be safe or just safer. Now, though, it doesn't seem like you can really hide from it anywhere. In my community, small as it is, we have problems. Among believers there are many problems. There is no rock to hide under. No perfect place to retreat to. No "perfect" group of people to go join. Where ever there are people there is evil. Why is that? Why can't we all get along Mr. King?

Mr. King, we can't get along because the ruler of this world, at this time, is not Elohim. This world is in chaos because we were supposed to manage this place for our Abba and we turned it over to the prince of air, the adversary, the enemy or whatever you want to call him, in the garden. Now, he is the big cheese. He calls the shots. When we did that, took his advice and ate that forbidden fruit, we died spiritually. Now we are enslaved to our "fallen nature", our flesh. We made him king. Now his rules apply. We gave him control. We are still doing that today. Every time we take justice into our own hands. Every time we "get even." "Quid pro quo"....... do you realize who the author of that is? Do you realize he is the author of the Riots and every evil known in human history and that mankind is simply an all too willing "tool" in his hands. That really reduces our imagined importance in the scheme of things when you really think about it. We are selfish and self centered like he is. In making him king we have bought his lie that we can worship the god of self and we do. His end is coming but boys and girls it is going to get pretty hot in the kitchen before the meal is complete if you get my drift.

So how now do we live? That is the question. If you have truly surrendered your life to Yahovah, our Creator, you don't live. He lives through you. You die......to your agenda, your plans, your "quid pro quo" or need to get even, your desires, your comfort, your feelings, your need to be right, your desire to be defended and your right to be offended.....all of it. If you haven't surrendered your life to Him and you are still living for YOU then you are lost. Time is growing short and there is no time to beat around the bush. I am deadly serious. Get found....by Him. Get out of the driver's seat or you will crash.

In this "movement" we have been blessed to stumble upon some important truths. That is all well and good. Are we "living them" or do we just know them? Are we loving Him with all our heart, mind and soul and loving our neighbor as ourselves? Or are we so puffed up in knowledge that we indulge in vain, divisive arguments and put out an unpleasant odor to the world rather then a sweat fragrance to the lost? Are we everything but loving? When the world looks at us do they want what we have or do we repel them with our back biting and fighting amongst ourselves?

I am looking around lately and I see a world that is lost. I see a world that needs to know a story. A true story of a Creator that loved it so much that He sent what was most precious to Him to die so that mankind could once again have relationship with Him. I see people that claim to represent Him fight and squabble amongst themselves and I think that disturbs me more that the day I saw Mr. Denny almost die on LIVE TV. Do you know why? Because a lot more people are going to die forever as a result of the body of believers inability to get it together and accurately represent our Creator to a lost and dying world. It won't be because we don't have a great children's ministry. It won't be because our chairs are not comfortable. It won't be because the carpet doesn't match the paint. It will be because we are fraudulently representing the good news and Him in our ignorant quarrels!

Dear Mr. King,

You asked a really good question almost 20 years ago. I don't have a simple answer. All I can say, about believers, is yes, we should ALL get along. We should have the ability and maturity to agree to disagree at times but still love and respect one another. We are supposed to be one. We are supposed to be "ministers of reconciliation." We have failed you Mr. King and a lot of others over the years. I am truly sorry. But, I think there are a lot of us that are still trying. We are trying to be better and represent our Savior in a way that He deserves. As for the world, I don't know what to say about that. He is going to fix that soon. I just want to thank you for asking the question. The world might have believed your question to be a lame one, but I think it was profound. We should all be asking ourselves the same question.


More than a Conqueror

Truth or Tradition?

Different....Audio Version

Having Abundant Health....Fats, the Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Different

Matthew 7:13 "Go in through the narrow gate; for the gate that leads to destruction is wide and the road broad, and many travel it " 

Doing the right thing means going against what is popular and accepted. It means swimming upstream against a raging current. Walking contrary to the direction the crowd is going can be  a lonely, difficult and frequently painful pursuit even though it is the right thing to do.

When I was a young I remember really wanting to be accepted by the crowd. I remember wanting to fit in so badly. I moved constantly as a girl. I was always making new friends and then saying "goodbye" to them a short time later. The friends I did make, in some places, I can barely remember now. Their faces are just a blur as if the memory is likened to a being in a speeding car and trying to focus on small objects on the side of the road. People were not in my life long enough to hold a secure spot in my memory. This is sad to me. I wish I could remember them all, but I can't. I lived in some places for as little as 4 months and met countless people. I made little to no connections as a child to many people outside of my immediate family for any length of time.

It takes a while for the "new kid" to fit in and sometimes, in some cities we moved to,  I just didn't. My childhood is filled with memories of being rejected because I came from somewhere different, had the wrong clothes, the wrong shoes, the wrong hair, my skin was the wrong color, I didn't know the right people or whatever. Kids can be very cruel, especially to "outsiders." The quickly accumulating wounds deep inside my soul made me a target for others seeking to find acceptance themselves by tearing the "weak" down. I was the new kid, I was a target, I was weak. For a while, I was torn down.

I remember living in a small Wyoming town one summer. We lived seven miles outside the town in a small subdivision. I was still "the new girl" and the only friend I had in world was my dog. With my dog beside me, I lay on the grass in my backyard staring up at the clouds and feeling very small and very alone. That is when I had a strange sense that someone was there. I couldn't "see" anyone, but I felt it.  I knew at that moment I wasn't alone. I had a very strong awareness that it was Him. I knew in my heart that there was a God and that where ever I went He would be with me. I knew nothing about the Bible. I knew nothing of Christianity or religion. I knew very little about church or religious organizations. All I knew was that one moment I had felt desperately alone and not alone the next. That was a profound, life altering experience and I will never forget it.

Despite that experience, naturally, I still deeply desired companionship with those that "had skin on". The volume of insecurity inside me drowned out the small, still voice assuring me of my security in Him. Unfortunately, I would seek relationships throughout my high school and young adult years with the wrong individuals and suffer greatly for the choices I would make to "fit in". I would compromise those things I knew deep inside to be wrong, to be accepted. I had fun at the time, but the path I ended up on was very self destructive and proved to be very costly to me. The self inflicted wounds to my soul healed eventually, but scars remained as a profound reminder of the cost of trying to "fit in" and be a part of the crowd or should I say "system." I had chosen the wide way rather than the narrow way I thought to avoid further pain and rejection, but my harvest was self destruction and nearly, in my case, complete destruction in both the physical and spiritual realm.

I was saved from destruction when I came to the end of myself, my way, my imagined self sufficiency, my plan, my agenda and any fantasy of control I might have entertained. It was at that time that I surrendered my life to Him, to Who I know today as Yahshua Ha'Mashiach, whom you might call Jesus Christ.

In many ways those experiences were a "teacher" to me. At the time I thought to be a very cruel teacher, but none the less, the lessons learned are very good ones. Now, to where He has brought me in my life today, I don't see that teacher as cruel at all. I see those lessons as merciful, kind and good. I see them as preparation for what is happening now, in the everyday struggle to live a "set apart" or "holy" life and what will happen in the future as the way grows more and more narrow.

John 16:1 "I have told you these things so that you won't be caught by surprise. 2 They will ban you from the synagogue; in fact, the time will come when anyone who kills you will think he is serving God! 3 They will do these things because they have understood neither the Father nor me.

To live a "set apart" or "holy" life means being really different. It means not doing things the way everyone else is doing them. Rejecting the "ways" of the world while not rejecting people is a bit of a tightrope. It means making difficult choices and acting on those choices. It involves being respectful and kind when you are insulted and criticized for those choices. It means being "a joke" in the eyes of the world and managing to smile and still extend a kind hand in the face of mocking. In being different, and in living our lives in a "called out" way the number of those who choose to be around around us will naturally grow smaller and smaller. This walk isn't for everyone and some see obedience to His Word as strange or bizarre so they distance themselves. Some see obedience to His Word as too much of a sacrifice for them. They are not ready or willing to stop doing things their way and do things His way and you, in your pursuit to be "set apart", become an uncomfortable conviction of their spiritual state. Some folks just really love the "world", it's system and are oblivious to the obvious emptiness of it.

John 16:33 "I have said these things to you so that, united with me, you may have shalom. In the world, you have tsuris. But be brave! I have conquered the world!"

Tsuris is trouble, woe and grief. I feel a strange comfort, but at the same time an uncomfortable soberness that Yahshua faced rejection, mocking and loneliness.....just like we do.....but worse. I don't think pain is unavoidable walking even close to the path He walked and I think anyone that tells you different is preaching some Else's story, not found in His Word at all. At the core of that statement is a harsh reality of what fallacy is being taught in this day in age. This walk "costs". Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If it doesn't then search that out carefully and find out why.

We must be brave as He was brave. We must take comfort that although the world will reject us, He has accepted us! The eternal glory outweighs the temporal, even if moments come that we don't "feel" that way. The Truth is simply the Truth. In this season, many of us that have chosen to pursue deeper understanding of scripture have chosen to make decisions that are very different from those that are "culturally" acceptable because of our deep love for Him and desire to be obedient. This will isolate us from the world and make us "different". Take comfort that you are not the only one experiencing this. Though we are scattered right now the time will come that he will gather us all to Himself. The memory of any pain likened to the blurred objects on the side of the road seen from a speeding car. Blessings to you in Messiah Yahshua.

Revelation 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will no longer be any death; and there will no longer be any mourning, crying or pain; because the old order has passed away."

Pistachio Ice Cream

1Corinthians 12:11-20  But one and the same Spirit works all these, distributing to each one individually as He intends.  For as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is the Messiah. For indeed by one Spirit we were all immersed into one body, whether Yehuḏim or Greeks, whether slaves or free, and we were all made to drink into one Spirit. For indeed the body is not one member but many. If the foot says, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” does it therefore not belong to the body? And if the ear says, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” does it therefore not belong to the body? If all the body was an eye, where would be the hearing? If all hearing, where would be the smelling? But now Elohim has set the members, each one of them, in the body, even as He pleased. And if they all had been one member, where would the body be? And now, there are indeed many members, but one body.


In 2007, the morning of my husbands birthday, I was preparing breakfast for my two youngest children. I was trying hard to keep them quiet. I really wanted them to sleep late and not disturb their father. However, they are both early risers, were very little and very noisy and my hope was that getting them busy eating breakfast would occupy them so that they would remain quite in hopes my husband could get some well deserved rest on his birthday. My husband has frequently worked odd shifts and has always worked very hard. I so wanted to give him an opportunity to rest! I was rushing to accomplish my goal of keeping the house quiet. I reached up to get a bowl out of the cupboard. One of the glass bowls, next to others began to topple. It had a crack in it that I did not realize was there. Soon it was falling and out of instinct I reached up to catch it before it hit the tile floor. The bowl broke on my hand, mostly severing my left pinkie finger. Instead of sleeping late, my husband was soon racing me to the emergency room so that the artery in my finger could be repaired and I would not bleed to death. Dramatic huh? I didn't even begin to think that my day would turn out that way. My plan to make my husbands birthday a special and relaxing one did not work out very well. I had a devastating injury to my finger and hand. Besides being in extreme pain, I was really frustrated that life had thrown me one big curve ball. During this time in my life Father would show me how much He truly was my Provider and all I needed.

I would face a difficult rehabilitation period. At the time my business required me to work with my hands, so obviously my income was gone until I recovered. My injury was fairly severe and the doctor was unable to repair the tendon or nerves completely although thankfully he was able to reattach the finger. Today, I have little to no feeling in my finger and cannot straighten it, but it is attached and for that I am grateful. I did go back to work in 8 weeks, even though my physician attempted to discourage me. I was extremely determined to continue to work. With grateful smiles, I let his negative rambling go in one ear and out the other. He was a good surgeon, but a very poor cheerleader and I was resolute to not let his warnings take root in my mind or in my heart. On top of all that, we were weeks away from adopting our two youngest children, whom we had fostered for almost two years. A loss in income would not look good to the committee considering our petition to adopt the kids. My world, in just a few hours, looked very different than it had before. All this from one little member becoming detached from my body. Amazing.

During my rehabilitation I found out what it was like to do everyday tasks without any involvement from my left hand as I was in a cast up to my elbow. Zipping zippers was the worst and would take me anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour in the beginning. Changing the diapers of a wiggly toddler was an incredible challenge. Washing dishes took hours. Washing my hair was very slow and difficult and required, embarrassingly, assistance. Driving carpool, though possible, was a challenge. At the time, although I had some very special individuals willing to help me, I needed to learn how to function and I tried to limit their involvement as much as possible in hopes of accomplishing my goals independently. It was very, very hard. Especially for someone as independent as myself.

I recall this story, not to gross you out or gain any kind of sympathy, but to make a point of how devastating it is to a body to lose a member. I have been part of three church catastrophes and have seen all sorts of devastation and loss within the body of Messiah. I have seen the "little ones" run out of the back of the fellowship devastated that their leader has fallen morally. I have seen brother against brother, sister against sister and new fellowships spring up built entirely on offense. I have been part of the "house church" movement where all that is discussed is how upset they are with the corporate church. The Word of God is rarely even brought up. Sure, we learn to function without everyone present, but I ask, is it really supposed to be that way? Is this what Messiah is coming back for? His body strewn all over the place and in pieces? The hand not working with the ear and the foot ticked off at the eye? The knee fully opposed to the elbow? The mouth shouting out insults to the shoulder. I happen to know from personal experience what it is like to loose an actual member of my physical body and many times I think how wonderful it would have been to just let that dish drop and shatter rather than catch it and lose my finger. Some things are just not worth catching. And I suppose ....some are. Though, dare I say, far less less than one would imagine.

My dear family. The time is approaching that so much of what we consider important is going to pale in comparison to what really is. We need each other. Is it OK to agree to disagree? Is it OK to love your brother when you don't see eye to eye? It better be. If we are truly seeking to follow the Torah do we not have enough, individually, to focus on ourselves? In doing so, focusing on our own growth, our own walk with Messiah, we set a wonderful example to others and with the involvement of the Ruach Ha'Kodesh, the Holy Spirit, they will be motivated to examine their own hearts if they truly want to please Elohim.

Since I have been seeking to understand my Hebrew Roots all sorts of wonderful things have happened. My family has come into order as has my marriage. I also feel a confidence to correctly discern many things. Things that are not of Him do not intimidate me anymore because I better understand what is of Him and what is not. I am not perfect, and I continually work towards growth in Messiah, but none the less, I have the sincere illumination of the Word to evaluate all sorts of men's doctrine and teaching and that is more than sufficient to make a decent judgement. I don't need to follow any crowd or a trend. I follow my Savior and that is enough. I don't feel the need for everyone to agree with me and I don't get offended when they don't. This to me is a valuable characteristic of true freedom. I am so grateful to be here and I know that He is not done with me, thankfully.

Focus needs to be given on what we as a Body, the Body of Messiah, can accomplish. Time grows short my family. This is more crucial than ever before.

Some people like Vanilla Ice Cream. Some people like Chocolate. Some people like Pistachio. I personally love Pistachio. Really anything with nuts! I don't eat a lot of ice cream because I am kind of a health nut (long story), but if I was going to eat any ice cream in the world, it would be Pistachio! We all have giftings and personal tastes and as long as those giftings and personal tastes do not oppose His Word they should be allowed to flourish within the body. If I am a foot I may not grip something as a hand does, but does that make the hand wrong or flawed? No, it is just a hand and it has it's unique, important role. Appreciate it's role in the Body of Messiah! It is just silly to criticize a hand for being a hand as it is to chastise a foot for being a foot!

Don't run away or stay home when the body doesn't behave as it should. Stick around and be an example so that it may line up with the Word of Elohim. The body will imitate what self differentiates and is bold in it's execution of the Word if it is truly the Body of Messiah. Don't grow discouraged family when folks don't think your way is the best. Flexibility on non doctrinal issues is a hallmark of maturity and wisdom. Conversely, take a stand on issues that are eternal, life giving and essential. In other words, deal with what really matters but let the old worthless bowl hit the floor and shatter lest it take a member with it!

I hope my simple stories help you in some way. I hope they encourage you and strengthen you for the coming days. They won't be easy. Let's stick together, okay?! Thank you Mishpocha, for being my Mishpocha, my family. I am so grateful for you!!

More than a Conqueror.